THE BREATH MINTS.
Kansas City, Miami take Season 22!
Blaseball Returns for the Final On Season of the Expansion Era!
QUICK HITS FROM THE IMMATERIAL PLANE
Fresh Breath Here We Are!
The Breath Mints. Are your new Internet Series Champion! After 22 seasons of struggle, the mostly middling Mints provided Blaseball with a breath of fresh air, defeating a slew of former champions on the way to securing the franchise’s first championship with a clean sweep of the Tokyo Lift in the Overbracket Internet Series. Quantum Spin seemed to be the only thing capable of slowing Kansas City in the Postseason, as shifting polar winds looked to delay the inevitable and give the Lift a bit of a lift in Game 3. But The Breath Mints. kept their cool and stepped up when it mattered most, rallying around the OP arm of star ace Winnie Hess and sealing the deal with a sudden return to form from Leach Ingram, some miraculous late-stage heroics that nearly broke the internet. The Breath Mints.
The Miami Dale sank to the bottom of the standings in Season 22, throwing the throttle in reverse and ramping up the Unwinning to maximum velocity, claiming the franchise’s first Underchampionship with an overwhelming defeat(?) of the New York Millennials in the Underbracket Internet Series. Dale!
Never Look Back!
The leaks plaguing the Library appear to have continued unabated throughout the Off Season, as Fans used fish to school themselves on secrets of Seasons Past. The most recent revelations? League-wide instability and multiple team incinerations laid at the feet of Pre-historic Legend and interned commissioner namesake Parker MacMillan, an escalating calamity that appears to have threatened all of Blaseball and ultimately forced Ownership to hit the Reset button.
In Politics and Weather, election observers were surprised by the sudden passage of an additional Decree, three new Suns forged out of the power of Sun(Sun), a diversification of investments that Management promises will maximize gains, improve ratings and result in glowing Consumer reports. While the divine intervention was framed as a vote of confidence in the collateralized security, some insiders have quietly voiced concerns about the move, suggesting it could signal instability in the debt market and increasing desperation on behalf of Management as their obligations near maturity date.
Management announced Season 23 will honor the ILB’s Semi-Centennial, a celebration of a half-century of Fair Play and unmitigated success, culminating in an unprecedented, 50-Inning Showdown, a special Pro-Am pitting League Legends against the Rising Stars of our day. In honor of the historyonic event, a special Gift Shop promotion offered teams some extra defense from the ancients, while League Historian Lootcrates opened up the Vault at Sunday’s Election showing off their prized Collections and offering a glimpse of the competition, a roster of all-stars eager to be put back into play.
With only two Seasons remaining in the Era, the Front Office hopes the Semi-Centennial will prove to be a spectacular Set Up to a game-saving Close.
Rejoice! Play Ball!