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Coming Soon: Hellbender for Audible

Thanks everyone for your support on on my new novel Hellbender. It's done so well, I'm happy to announce that an Audible version is in production and should be out very soon.

Anyway, on with the newsletter...

In Today's Issue

  • Hellbender the Audiobook
  • The Babylon Bee
  • News
  • Today's Writing Tip


Hellbender the Audiobook

When Hellbender first came out, a number of people were like, "Where's the Audible version?" And I was like "What are you? Too lazy to read it yourself?" And the answer is yes. Many people are. That's why there's lots of money in audiobooks -- money I want! So the decision was made to invest in hiring a professional to make an audio version of Hellbender ever more hilariouser than reading it yourself.

This was my first time being this involved in making an audiobook. I selected an audition script which was the first couple pages of Chapter 12 (when Hellbender meets Tara in an abandoned part of the Disputed Zone) which I thought was pretty funny and gave an opportunity to hear everyone's comic timing, but I have to say the text lost just a little of its charm the 100th time I heard it read.

There were a lot of strong auditions, but I ended up choosing Austin Rising (yeah that's his real name and not a nearby revolutionary group I need to look out for) to narrate Hellbender as he is a veteran audiobook producer who has both the comic timing and the range to voice the many many characters.

Anyway, I'm really excited to see how it turns out. It should be ready within the next month. If you want to know exactly when, well, guess what, you're subscribed to the right newsletter.

The Babylon Bee

As I mentioned before, I've been writing for The Babylon Bee for a little over a year now. They've been in the news a bit lately with Snopes trying to destroy them or something. Anyway, as you may also know, I'm a Twitter guy and like to tweet quite a bit, but I've decided to finally use my Facebook page for something and highlight Bee articles I've written -- both current ones and ones from the past -- and tell a bit about the thinking behind him. So if you're interested in satire, check it out.

BTW, I was also on the fourth episode of The Babylon Bee podcast if you missed it.


  • Over at Sarah Hoyt's blog, I wrote an article on How to Write Satire. So if you want to write satire, learn from a professional.
  • I don't really have a second item, but I feel like I need one to justify this being in bullet points.
  • And why do I have a separate section called "News." Isn't the whole newsletter "news"? Maybe I need to think this out better.
  • But while I have your attention, please write a review for Hellbender if you haven't already. It will make me your extra special best friend.

Today's Writing Tip

Research Is a Waste of Time

Let's say you're writing a story and you need to integrate some topic you don't know that much about, like details of a certain occupation (how does one sweep a chimney?) or some science detail (what does a ferret eat?). Now, some authors will do extensive research, talking to people in the know or calling up scientists. Those people are losers with too much time on their hands.

Here's a good rule of thumb: If you don't know it, most likely your reader doesn't know the correct answer either. So just make something up and he'll never know. On the rare occasion you get called out ("Stars work from fusion, not fission."), just call whoever corrected you a "NERD!" and give him a wedgie. Make sure other readers can see you do it so they know you are dominant and can't question you.


That's it for today. Keep buying Hellbender in ebook and paperback, but save a credit to buy it on Audible when it comes out soon. I'll tell you when.

Your friend,
Frank J. Fleming

P.S. Most of you are literate though, right? I don't need to do a podcast version of this newsletter, do I?

Copyright © 2019 Frank J. Fleming, All rights reserved.