New Novel: Hellbender
I have a new novel out, a scifi comedy Hellbender. You know the procedure: Just go buy it now and start reading and don't even bother with the rest of this stupid newsletter.
But because I feel obligated to do a full newsletter, here we go...
In Today's Issue
- The Demon Capitalism
- What's Next
- Today's Writing Tip
Here it is, my new novel Hellbender, available to buy now in ebook and paperback. The ebook is only $4.99 -- that's so cheap you'd have to be full of self-hatred to not buy it right now and get hours and hours of reading enjoyment. And there is no reason to hate yourself; you're a great person. Why else would you have signed up for my newsletter? So, I'm going to give you permission to treat yourself and buy my book.
Now comes my least favorite part of writing: writing about writing. I spent months and months writing something, getting each sentence perfect. And now I have to take all that and condense it down into a few sentence description which completely ruins all that work. Can't you just trust me and read the book to find out what it's about?
Fine. Well, for starters, this one is a comedy. For reference, I did not consider Sidequest to be a comedy. It was a serious story with a lot (a lot) of humorous elements. This one is a comedy, though. It's got lots of satire elements. Still, it's got a tight science fiction plot as I like keeping things fast paced with lots of surprises even if it is a comedy. As usual, I promise not to bore you; I have a very short attention span.
As for the story, it starts out with a deal from Satan (or at least someone claiming to be Satan; it's hard to trust people who say they're Satan): listen to his story in exchange for donuts. And from that deal, a group of four friends ends up with a artifact of vast power and hunted by a insane, fashion model general, an army of sadists, the mob, and an unstoppable killing machine (the worst kind of killing machine). And now it's up to these four losers to save the world -- even though the world is pretty oppressive and worn-torn and not that worth saving. But still, they live there.
Also, it's got a great cover made by Ethan Nicolle of Axe Cop fame. The cover wraps around to the back, so that's a bit of a bonus if you get the paperback (and if you buy it through Amazon, you can then get the ebook FREE through their Matchbook program).
So read! Enjoy! And write a review (which you will do because -- as I said before -- you're a great person).
The Demon Capitalism
Just for fun, I also have a free short story you can read right now. It's called "The Demon Capitalism" and it is about a struggling farmer in feudal times being tempted with an easier, more luxurious future. But there's a catch...
- I have an update to my author bio since last newsletter: I now have four kids instead of three. Back in January, little Winchester was born. He has Down syndrome, which was a bit of surprise, but he's healthy and doing great and the whole family just adores him. So anyway, buy my books; I have four kids to feed! And they all eat multiple times per day!
- In another update to my author bio, I now write regularly for The Babylon Bee. I'm also guest hosting not their podcast today, found wherever podcasts are sold. Actually, usually they're free. If someone charges you for a podcast, that's a scam.
- Ethan Nicolle (who made the cover for Hellbender) has a great new book out: Bears Want to Kill You. It's a book that finally tells the truth about bears and how they will eventually kill you and everyone else (and I helped a little with the research for the book). It's on ebook and paperback, but I recommend the paperback as it has lots of color illustrations and diagrams on bear survival techniques. Do not, though -- and this is very important -- buy it before you've bought all of my books. This also goes for all other books in existence.
Why are you wondering what's next from me? You haven't even finished reading Hellbender yet.
Fine. What's next is three sequels to Superego to complete a planned four book arc. The first sequel is pretty much already written and I'm already well into writing the third book. So while it's been a while since Superego came out, hopefully these sequels will come out at pretty close together. I don't have exact dates, though, but for the mean time you can check out the first chapter of Superego: Fathom here (spoilers: Rico didn't die at the end of the first book).
Today's Writing Tip
Keep the Plot Moving
Some people think you need to spend time in a story describing things or giving time for your readers to get to know your characters. That is all stupid and boring. Readers want plot -- they want things happening. They don't want to know what things look like unless that just helps them better understand the manner in which those things are exploding.
So always have things happening and the plot moving. If you ever feel the urge to have your characters stop for a moment and talk, don't. At most, have them start talking and then immediately have something explode, them get shot at, or them attacked by ninjas. All character development should be done in how the characters run from explosions or kick ninjas.
That's it for today. Buy Hellbender within five seconds of reading this newsletter or you'll explode.
Frank J. Fleming
P.S. I probably can't actually make you explode, but it's definitely not worth risking. And denying yourself the enjoyment of reading Hellbender is even worse than exploding.